Hey Y'all,
These past couple of days have been all about hitting the reset button for me. We've been through a storm again – our little one had another seizure this weekend. Each time it happens, it's like a bolt out of the blue, shaking me to my core. As a parent, your whole world revolves around your child's well-being, and when they're in pain, it feels like your heart is being squeezed tight.
This time at the hospital, we had an experience that's hard to put into words. It's like this undefined feeling sitting heavy in my chest – not knowing how to categorize it, but definitely not feeling good about it. And the thought of possibly having to return there sends chills down my spine.
In those critical moments, when she's seizing, I'm thrown into this whirlwind of thoughts and fears. It's a balancing act of accepting the harsh reality while also pushing it away, so I can focus on doing everything just right. Administering the emergency meds, checking the clock, making sure she's positioned safely, wondering if a fever is setting in – it's a lot. Then, it's a mad dash to the hospital, every second ticking away loudly in my head. It's like being in a race where you can't afford to lose.
Once we're at the ER, it feels like we're stuck on repeat – the same questions over and over from different faces. "How long was the seizure? What meds did you give? When was the last one?" It's frustrating. Haven't we been here before? Don't they have all this info already?
This whole ordeal leaves me beyond stressed. But the world doesn’t pause for your struggles, right? I can't just hit the pause button on life. There are still school drop-offs, doctor's appointments, dance classes – life keeps moving, ready or not. And that's the essence of parenthood. It's a relentless, all-consuming love that doesn't know the meaning of a break. It's worry, joy, sacrifice, and a rollercoaster of emotions all wrapped up in one.
So, this is where I'm at right now – riding the waves of parenthood, holding on tight to the
joys amidst the storms.
later,
Darrian
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